It’s October and Christmas is already on my mind! I may not have turned on the music yet or pulled out the décor, but logistically I’m already there. I’ve been making lists of gift ideas for my kids, figuring out my budget, hunting for Christmas cards, and scrolling through Pinterest for party meal ideas. Now for some people, this sounds like good planning, especially if you are on a tight budget. December is an expensive month and dumping boat loads of cash or racking up credit card debt (eek!) does NOT sound like a good idea compared to spacing out purchases over a few months. To others, I may sound crazy, why plan and plan and plan for something that is so far out? And this is where I have been at…why? Why am I starting this whole thing now???
Recently, I’ve been convicted about what it means to be more present. To savor the moment I’m in instead of being concerned about making sure it’s meeting some crazy ideal that’s in my head (or on Pinterest). I’m sure you’ve seen this in action before…a friend invites you to a dinner party and spends more time fussing over details that only matter to her than actually being a part of the party. No one cares about the dirty dishes or how perfectly timed the evening goes. We just want to laugh and talk and make memories together. That’s why we share a meal and spend time with people we love.
Applying this concept to Christmas time takes it to a whole other level. How many parties, pageants and performances do we have to juggle into our already busy schedules? Then there are the quieter things like decorating the tree, baking cookies and watching It’s A Wonderful Life. If I did all the things on my Christmas bucket lists from years past, I would need at least three months to accomplish them all and do things like work, sleep and eat!
A few years ago I read Shauna Niequist’s book Present Over Perfect. I love her writing, but I especially connected to her title chapter Present Over Perfect. She talks about the hustle of Christmas time and the realization that this is the one life we get…
“To put it plainly: my desire for beautiful, sparkly Christmas moments was edging out my ability to live well in my own actual life, and I recognized this feeling as one I’d grappled with all my life. I want things to be spectacular, epic, over the top, exciting and dramatic. But in order to force that beauty and drama into otherwise ordinary moments, you have to push and tap dance and hustle, hustle, hustle.” (Present Over Perfect, p. 127)
She then shares how she made a choice to embrace the mess of life and choosing to be present over some glossy ideal of perfect. I loved that book and the premise. If I want to enjoy my actual life that I’m living now…if I want to savor the seasons each of my kids are in…if I want to have memories that are based on shared experiences and less on what I’d “hoped” that experience had turned out to be, I need to let go of trying so hard to make it amazing, especially around the holidays.
And that lands us back to why in the world am I thinking this hard about Christmas in OCTOBER????
It’s simple, perspective. When I can brain dump every idea out earlier than later, I can look at them with unrushed eyes. I can look at my calendar. We know that filling every weekend with parties and performances is going to wear us out now, but in the moment, when everything sounds so exciting…we might forget. Who wants to turn down the Nutcracker or cookie decorating party? Not me! I want all of it! But…do I need all of it? When I start my Christmas shopping after thanksgiving I have absolutely no self-control. I read those lists “50 Stocking Stuffers under $5” or “Best Gifts for 4 Year-Old Girls” and forget that my kids don’t NEED every item on those lists, even if they would enjoy them.
So here’s what I am going to do…
- Set a MONETARY BUDGET! (And stick to it!)
Each year my husband and I attempt to set a budget. “We’ll only spend $___ per kid” or “We don’t need to buy gifts for each other” or anything along those lines goes completely out the window. Come January I’m asking myself “WHY DID I DO THAT?!?” Also this season is a bit tighter for us financially. I don’t want to continue to put us in the hole.
In order to stick to a budget I’ve decided to get creative, which leads me to my next point:
- Attempt to make or curate thoughtful gifts instead of just buying stuff
I had already decided I was going to try and make as many gifts this year as I can, and then this video appeared in my inbox:
I love the idea of sharing the gifts and talents that God has entrusted us with instead of just buying something. The thought that someone took time and thought of you for weeks or months ahead time makes me feel so loved and appreciated. Or to know someone is willing to bless you with their talents because they see your needs and want to help with no expectation of a favor returned. If I want to teach my girls that Christmas is more than presents, I want to show them with my actions.
- Block out time for family non-negotiables
Christmas Tree Day is our oldest family tradition. My husband and I were barely married a month when we began this tradition, even before we had kids. On the Friday after Thanksgiving we find a tree farm and cut our own tree down, no matter the weather (some years it’s in the high 50s and others we are all wearing snowsuits). After we cut the tree down, we head home to start setting it up. It used to be just me hanging ornaments, but now as we pull each ornament out of its packaging, my girls ask to hear why we have that ornament or who gave it to us. And while we work, White Christmas is on the TV or Michael W Smith’s It’s a Wonderful Christmas CD is playing.
Traditions like Christmas Tree Day are my favorite. Slow, personal and intentional; quality time that isn’t about rushing or putting on an event. Just strapping on our boots, grabbing the chain saw and cramming into the truck. Just the five of us going on an adventure together and building the anticipation of the season.
- Schedule the events I want to host or attend NOW
I made my parents, grandparents and siblings decide on when we meet for Christmas before Halloween was even a thought in our minds. I do love getting together with my family, but with 4 siblings who all have significant others and six kids, we have to be intentional about picking a date that works for everyone. I also live two and a half hours away from the rest of my family and my husband works holidays (the hazards of being married to a pastor!). As we’ve planned this event over the past few years, we decided that showing up, watching kids open gifts, eating and then leaving was not as much fun for the adults. My oldest brother started bringing lots of fun board games that aren’t what you’d find in a typical store. They are sometimes more strategic, sometimes more party game-ish. Either way, while the kids play with all their new toys, we get to have some fun and bonding too.
The other events we try to make room for are: attending a live nativity at a local summer camp, hosting church staff Christmas party, and attending the school’s latest high school production. Whatever it is you choose, it should be worth the work to get out the door. If it feels like just another thing that drains your energy, it’s not worth it.
I find it helpful to make a list the events and the dates they take place and lay them all out on a calendar. This helps you realize when you might be taking on more than you can handle…like putting on a Christmas themed Parents Night Out event at church for kids on Saturday night, directing the Christmas program Sunday morning and hosting a church staff party that Sunday evening where 20 people are planning on you cooking a full meal. This may or may not have happened a couple years ago. And maybe it didn’t all happen in one weekend, but it sure felt like it did.
- Focus December around Advent, not the hustle.
One of the best ways we have found to savor the Advent season is reading through the Jesus Storybook Bible as our advent devotional. I seriously urge you to buy this bible and read it, no matter if you have kids or not. It is so beautifully written. We also watch all the Christmas movies we possibly can while drinking hot cocoa. Baking cookies for Santa, shopping for Operation Christmas Child boxes, and church candlelight services and pageants are also on our list.
Lastly, Christmas day is just for our immediate family at home. We invite people who may not have anyone to spend the holiday with to come over for dinner, but we don’t leave the house. Slow and simple are how we like to spend the day.
How do you prepare for the holiday season? What do you need to let go of to stay “present over perfect” this year?
House of Dreams 